I don't know what my obsession is with that damned Melissa Etheridge song lately. I sang it at karaoke in Jefferson when me & my aunt went there. But why did I sing it? I haven't heard that song in over a year, maybe even two! I hardly even remembered the words, I just followed along with the lyrics on the screen, which I RARELY have to do.

Oh well. Anyway, it's 5:19 in the morning. I haven't been to school since Tuesday morning. I had a panic attack at school on Tuesday on my way to math. I was terrified by everyone around me, people I see everyday, I became terrified of them. I felt like an idiot actually. I was convinced--no, more like paranoid--that they were all out to get me. I always feel like that. I always feel like the entire world is conspiring against me. Mel Gibson had a point in Conspiracy Theory; I'm with him. But anyway, now I'm on 450 MILLIGRAMS OF ANTIDEPRESSANTS!!! I'm OH SO TIRED of dealing with doctors and medicines and therapy. FUCK ALL OF IT! I'm gonna go kill myself.

FUCK ME RUNNING! You wanna know a song I'm obsessed with? I don't know if ANYONE has heard it, at least anyone that I'm friends with because it's definitely NOT their kind of music, but it's that DAMNED "Kiss the Rain" song by BILLIE FUCKING MYERS! Sorry, I just now figured out the chick's name that sings it. GOD it's such a beautiful fucking song. I'm gonna sing THAT at karaoke next time I go, god damnit. You know what, I'm sorry, but I absolutely HAVE to write out the lyrics to that song or else it will NEVER get out of my fucking head. Bear with me here, I'm sorry.

Hello? Can you hear me?
Am I getting through to you?
Hello--is it late there?
There's a laughter on the line,
Are you sure you're there alone?
Cuz I'm trying to explain:
Something's wrong,
You just don't sound the same.
Why don't you, why don't you
Go outside, go outside--

Kiss the rain
Whenever you need me,
Kiss the rain
Whenever I'm gone too long.
If your lips feel hungry and thirsty
Kiss the rain and wait for the dawn.
Keep in mind we're under the same sky
And the night's as empty for me as for you.
If you feel you can't wait till morning,
Kiss the rain, kiss the rain, kiss the rain...

Hello? Do you miss me?
I hear you say you do,
But not the way I'm missing you.
What's new? How's the weather?
Is it stormy where you are?
Cuz you're so close
But it seems like you're so far,
So would it mean anything
If you knew what I'm left imagining?
In my mind, in my mind,
Would you go, would you go,
Kiss the rain?

And you'd fall
Over me--
Think of me
Think of me
Only me--
Kiss the rain
Whenever you need me
Kiss the rain
Whenever I'm gone too long.
If your lips feel hungry and tempted
Kiss the rain and wait for the dawn.
Keep in mind we're under the same sky
And the night's as empty for me as for you.
If you feel you can't wait till morning
Kiss the rain, kiss the rain--
Kiss the rain.......kiss the rain.

Hello? Can you hear me?

GOD what a great song. *sigh* I wish I had it on a CD or something so I could listen to it. Bah. I'm so so so so so SO hungry right now but I'm too lazy to get up and get something to eat.

I'm quitting drinking, I want the entire world to know. Bob wants me to quit smoking and I told him that I'm quitting drinking and that's enough for now. I do smoke too much, I was on the phone with him earlier and was coughing up a lung or some crazy shit. Bah.

Okay. I'm actually getting tired. HA! I forgot to add. I'm reading Mein Kampf. Isn't that great? Take that you jewish nazis! No offense, Bri, lol, hey I'm Jewish...and German... it's funny how that works out. I'm a German Jew! HOLY SHIT I'm a Jewish Nazi! WTF oh this sucks. Actually no it doesn't it kinda rocks. It's funny. Awesome. Okay I'm going to go lay down and watch my movie, Molven Callar, and I'm sure NONE of you have heard of it. Except maybe Emily. G'nite all.